Note to reader: Rachel’s blogs are written and edited through accessibility features like dictation and voice-over methods using Apple devices and Microsoft Word. You may encounter text errors throughout her learning process.
Courage has many faces. For me, courage has looked like conflict resolution, public speaking, divorce, parenting, recovery, mourning, anxiety, and depression. My courage can be found in many places—places I may not even be looking—as long as I remain a student.
Conflict Resolution
I have always feared conflict. I have always fled if I simply felt the temperature rising in a room. I didn’t understand that conflict is a healthy and needed part of communicating in a relationship. I believed that when conflict rose so do our shields. I thought that a conflict can only end with a winner and a loser. I learned through recovery that conflict requires us to look inward, not point our fingers outward. I’ve learned to analyze my role in the conflict and more importantly seek to understand then to be understood. Courage in conflict resolution is found in letting go of the need to be right.
Public Speaking
I’m a glutton for punishment. That or I have an incredible drive to grow, especially in areas that seem hopeless. Public speaking has been a lifelong challenge for me. I have taken classes, I have read books, and I have even spent 4 years of my life as a trainer forced to spend each day at front and center. Over the past year I recognized that just as we learn how to do yoga, play tennis, dance, and cook, we can learn how to be a public speaker. It takes practice and being open to suggestions of others. I found my courage for public speaking in a book called “Talk like Ted”. I simply would not accept that public speaking anxiety was something I could not overcome. Although I may never sign up for a Ted talk myself, I continue to put myself in uncomfortable situations and practice feeling comfortable.
Recovery and Courage
For the first half of my life, I found my courage in a drink. If I drank enough, I could do anything and I could be anything. Now, bad things didn’t happen every time I drank, but every time bad things happened, I was drinking. Maybe I found too much courage in alcohol.
As a part of my program in recovery from alcoholism, it was suggested to me to see an addiction therapist. In doing so I was introduced to a simple concept, and yet it was pivotal for my recovery. The therapist told me after I had described the depth of my anxieties, “have you ever pictured everything going perfectly.” As if I had been knocked in the head like a Tom and Jerry cartoon, I responded with a smile, “no, no I don’t think I ever have.” You see, I spent most of my time and energy “what if’ing” to ensure I’m prepared for all the ways each situation could go wrong that I never spent a single moment thinking about the way a situation could go right.
Fear, anxiety, shame, and guilt are stories that we tell ourselves. Courage is a different perspective on that story. We can’t control people, places, and things, but we can control our reaction and the stories we tell ourselves. This is where I find courage.