I’ve always been uncomfortable inviting people to spend time with me. I can’t help but compare it to the uncomfortable feeling I get when I pick up the phone and call someone. I always think that I’m interrupting the other person or that I’m just setting them up for having to gracefully decline. Over the course of my sobriety, I’ve gained the willingness to get uncomfortable. In fact, it seems now like the more uncomfortable I am, the more I feel I must do that thing which is causing me the discomfort. By practicing willingness I’ve been enjoying the benefits of baking in recovery.
When I was a kid, I didn’t like to ask people to come over and play. I waited in my house, occupying myself, until I was invited over by my friends. I only recall and inviting people over if I was having a party.
I’ve quickly discovered throughout the past two and a half months that when people tell me they wish there was something they could do to help, I tell them there is. “Text me, call me, and come visit me.” I’ve begun to invite people over to spend time with me because I find that is when I’m the happiest. I’ve had people over to bake with me, have tea with me, and eat a meal with me. Was I afraid of rejection? Absolutely.
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
Just like anything else that I’m not used to doing, it’s takes courage and practice to get comfortable being uncomfortable. And honestly, this started with me being at a point of desperation—frustrated, bored, and lonely. It was suggested to me that baking could be something I could enjoy that would not hurt my head, however my challenge was reading the recipe. Initially I invited two friends over to make pretzels with me. They read the recipe, and we all worked together to make the pretzels. Since then, I’ve learned Voiceover on my Apple devices, particularly my iPhone, which allows me to listen to the recipe without having to look at the device. After doing this once successfully, I had the confidence to do it again.
Since these first experiences of inviting people to bake, I’ve begun to bake by myself. You see, the more I introduce new things into my life the more I find solutions for doing things I enjoy that don’t hurt my head. Although I initially rejected the idea of baking due to fear, I have found joy in baking. It all started with willingness.
Stress Baking
Not only has baking given me the opportunity to enjoy time with others, but it has also provided healthy recovery activities for my brain. There are lots of movies in which the main character bakes to alleviate stress. They call it stress baking. Baking allows me to be creative, handle different textures, calculate measuring ingredients, practice clear thinking, use fine motor skills, and be in the present moment. I have to say that I’ve received unexpected enjoyment in handling dough, but I hear that’s normal (haha).
Baking in Recovery
Throughout the past a couple months I have felt an increase level of cognitive impairment. I’ve done some research regarding brain fog and one author said that brain fog feels like your brain is firing through marshmallow fluff. It feels quite overwhelming and can be frustrating when you find yourself doing things that don’t make any sense. It’s like my brain checks out for moment and when it checks back in, I find myself doing something that doesn’t make sense, like putting a measuring cup on top of the baking soda container as a lid. I recently was given an ambulatory EEG to test for silent seizures. Soon I will also undergo a neurological psychiatric evaluation. Tune into the recovery daily podcast to stay connected.
I experience multiple layers of symptoms depending on the level of stimulation I’m exposed to. During initial exposure to stimuli in my environment, I feel what I refer to as “rubber bands squeezing my head.” If I continue to be exposed, then I may begin to experience sharp pains on either side of my head, fatigue, inability to think clearly, replacing words, and forgetfulness. These symptoms are variable depending on the day. Some days I can’t focus passed my immediate task in front of me. My physical energy and cognitive energy get depleted at the same pace.
When I approach my daily activities with a schedule, I’m able to put a definitive time frame around activities that can deplete with my energy quickly. By doing this, I experience the benefits of the activity. I have found that the benefits of baking are a sense of being calm, in control, focused, happy, and social.
Benefits of Baking
Here is a more detailed look at the benefits of baking:
- Baking can be a meditative practice allowing us to be calm and relaxed. I like to listen to classical music while I bake. It reduces anxiety and fear.
- Much in recovery is out of our control. Baking is a micromanager ‘s version of cooking. We must be precise. As my niece said, “every recipe is a science experiment.”
- With so much uncertainty in recovery, it’s hard to focus on anything. Baking gives us the opportunity to be mindful, stay present, and focus on the end result.
- Satisfaction of completing a task and getting a delicious treat in the end produces happy chemicals in our bodies—dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.
- When we bake with someone else and share the deliciousness with others, we enjoy social interaction.
Baking stimulates brain function. It supports cognitive health, motor skills, emotional stability, and sensory function. Baking helps us practice enjoying the journey rather than solely being focused on the destination. Baking is not all about the cupcake at the finish line, but it’s an incredible reward when we’re done.