As I face stroke recovery, one day at a time, I get discouraged if I back up and look at the whole picture. Because when I do, I feel uncertain about my future. Is my neurological vision impairment permanent? I’m grateful that my default reaction to the challenges I face has been to learn voiceover on my Apple devices. Whether my impairment it is permanent or not, I am seeking a solution for today.

Only a month ago I was thinking, “how do I live in a world that revolves around digital devices when I can’t even look at them.” In the world we live in today, we find comfort in digital devices to communicate, learn, listen to music, read books, and even watch TV on a tiny little screen. The comfort I get from my career requires the use of digital devices as well.

My first obstacle that I needed to push down was obsessing about what I can’t do. I slowly began to consider what I can do instead. I began to get comfortable being uncomfortable. But it started with discouragement. The first few times I attempted to use voiceover on my Apple devices I thought, “I’m never gonna figure this out.” One day I realized that what I was trying to learn was no different than learning how to play the piano. I just needed to memorize where I put my fingers and improve my listening skills.

After that clear shift in my mindset, I quickly learned how to use my iPhone with the black screen (screen curtain) just like a blind person. It was comforting to know that I had that digital means of communication back. Once I knew I was able to do that I began learning voiceover on my MacBook Air. My frustrations with learning voiceover on the Mac device mirror that of learning it on the iPhone. But just knowing I did it once has convinced me that I can do it again. And here I sit learning voiceover practicing by writing a blog, updating my website, going on social media, and checking my emails with a screen curtain. It’s very rewarding.

Although I dove right into adding back these components that provide me comfort, there is so much that I still need to adopt in this new way of life. How do I add value in my career the way that I was before? How do I travel and do things when I still can’t walk, ride a bike, right in the car, etc. without pain and discomfort.

I continue to seek comfort in healthy things like sewing, yoga, my Recovery Daily Podcast, etc. I continue to focus on what I can do rather than what I can’t. The only way that I can get to my happy ending it is by picturing it from where I sit right now and keeping the door of willingness open.

I’ve learned in sobriety to do the next right thing, to do things anyway, even when I don’t want to, and get comfortable being uncomfortable. I will get to the other side of my pain with joy and serenity. I have learned not to seek comfort in unhealthy things, but rather, in things that help me grow. I have learned to practice acceptance.

I heard a story by Tamara Levitt on Calm.com about two children building a sandcastle at the beach. High tide came in and washed away their sandcastle. There are two types of children—there is the child that stands up looking out into the ocean. She cries wishing she could have her castle back while the other child picks up her shovel and begins to build a new castle. In recovery I have learned how to pick my shovel back up.