Frequently I am drawing from my experiences and becoming and recovering alcoholic to what I have been facing recovering from my stroke. In both cases, my life reached the point of unmanageability. There must be a profound change in mentality from patient to student. In both cases my body my brain and my heart we’re not working together in unison. Like a student in kindergarten developing motor skills, I was uncoordinated in that I could not change to meet my life ‘s conditions.
Just as I was unable to find grace when I was drinking, I lacked grace when trying to live with neurological vision impairment acting as if nothing was wrong. Before sobriety I worked so hard but was getting nowhere just as Fred Flintstone jumps in his stone car and starts running while the car goes nowhere, I have been running in place while my recovery from my stroke was standing still.
Learning From Others
I’ve learned and surprisingly that just by listening to the experience strength and hope of others, I see that recovery is possible. Why not learn from the ones who came before me? As children, we tend to not listen to our parents. I didn’t believe as a child that through my parents’ experiences, I can live my life without making the same mistakes. In sobriety I hear folks talk about falling out of recovery and drinking again. It is through their bravery when they come back and share that experience with others, that we are given the opportunity to learn without making the same mistake. How can I apply this to my stroke recovery?
Managing Obsession
If I were really listening and put in my recovery ahead of my drive to succeed, I would have heard people talking about work life balance. As a recovering alcoholic I tend to become completely engrossed in activities of my choosing. One activity that I have found joy and obsessing about is my career. In my mind, it is a win-win situation. I get to learn new things every day, I get to be a part of humanity, and I get to make money doing this. Why can’t I apply that same obsessive tendency to my health and well-being?
When I first got sober, I felt that while everybody else got to go out to bars, wineries, and other fun gatherings I had to stay home and be boring. I was very jealous of other people who got to drink and do fun things. I did not think my life could be joyful without alcohol. Through listening to the ones that came before me and suiting up and showing up to what they told me would be enjoyable, I learned that not only can I have fun without a drink, but I can remember it the next day. The more sober experiences I had, the more sober experiences I wanted.
Similarly, suffering from neurological vision impairment due to my stroke, I have been unable to see (pardon the pun) what activities I can enjoy without using my eyes. I attempted to go online to find stroke support forums however due to my disability it’s been difficult to find other stroke survivors suffering from similar vision impairment I even asked my sister to help me by researching various resources that may lead me to a fellowship of individuals like me. Without much luck, I spent some time thinking about what I can do during this time of recovery instead of what I can’t do. I had been focused on the fact that I can’t drive, ride in the car, ride a bike, kayak, read, walk, run, research online, use my phone, etcetera. Instead by shifting my mentality I was able to recognize that I can use my voice. And through my voice, I can reach others to build a community of healing.
Recovery Starts With Me
We learn as we get older to be more independent—To learn to stop asking for things and start doing things for ourselves. What I believe we forget is the value of asking each other when we need something. We are the only ones you know what we need and what we want. We are the only ones who can identify when are physical and mental health is in jeopardy. Recovery starts with me—I had to change from being a patient to being a student learning from others. The recovery daily podcast has started a pivotal shift in momentum in my life. I am seeking healing by using my voice.