More Than Freedom
Free will seems like wide-open freedom to do whatever we want. We’re given this gift, but no one teaches us how to use it. As kids, we’re guided by our parents. As adults, we’re choosing in real time, with moment by moment decisions. With free will comes great responsibility.
The Pause
Have you ever said, “I had no choice but to …”? We have more choices than we realize in most situations. Doesn’t it simply mean you reacted without thinking through those choices? Much of our behavior is conditioned, and we react out of habit, fear, or impulse. That feeling of having no choice usually shows up when I skip the pause limiting my time to think through a response. That pause is where free will lives.
I can’t control people, places, or circumstances, no matter how much I try. What I can control is the thoughts I entertain, words I choose, and actions I take. That’s it.
From Reaction to Responsibility
In early sobriety, I felt like I didn’t have a choice not to drink. Addiction has a way of narrowing everything until it feels like there’s only one path forward. But through recovery, choices opened back up. I’ve learned that I can pause. I can reach out instead of isolate, choose something different, even if it feels uncomfortable. I began to understand what responsible free will is, that the next right thing is always a choice, and if I pause long enough, I’ll see it.
Responsible free will is choosing how I show up rather just doing because I can. It’s pausing instead of reacting, listening instead of interrupting, being honest instead of avoiding, and choosing connection when it would be easier to withdraw. It’s also being willing to let other people in and ask for help, getting perspective that I may not see on my own.
Guided
I can’t control where life takes me, but I can choose how I walk through it. That’s where the freedom is. At night I always kneel before my bed and pray, “thy will, not mine, be done.” In that, I’m asking for guidance in how to use my free will responsibly. I’m acknowledging that I don’t have control of anything outside of my fingertips, but I can choose to act with intention, let go of what isn’t mine to carry, and trust something beyond my own thinking.
The Power of Small Choices
It’s easy to think that big decisions define who we become, like picking our college major or applying for our dream job. It’s the small choices that shape who we become. I’ve made big plans in my life that didn’t turn out the way I expected, but it wasn’t the plan that shaped me. It was the daily decisions that followed, that either aligned with who I wanted to be or pulled me further away from it. Over time, those small choices told my story.
We practice free will all day long in conversations, reactions, and when no one is watching. When we choose to pause, listen, be honest, and connect with others, we carve an intentional life. The question is more about how I want to live today than who I want to be, because who I become is just the result of how I choose one moment at a time.