adaption new path

Walking the Path: Choosing Adaptation Over Despair

I used to go to extreme lengths for alcohol—planning, excuses, and deceit were effortless and meaningless under the spell of my disease. I found myself in dark corners, literally hiding in my closet from those I love to swig my wine, consumed by a relentless pursuit that led to nothing but despair. The question today is, to what length am I going to prioritize my holistic health?

Most days I focus on the immediate tasks at hand, the small choices that keep me aligned with my values—health, learning, and communication. A day dedicated to navigating the social security disability insurance application process is tedious and weighs on my physical limitations, but it’s part of the commitment I’ve made to myself to go to any lengths to prioritize my well-being and steer away from despair.

Reflecting on my past behavior as an active alcoholic, I realize the extraordinary lengths I’m capable of going for what I desire. Back then, it was wine. Now, it’s my stroke recovery and sobriety. If I wouldn’t wait till tomorrow for a drink, why wait to reach out for support when I’m struggling? If one doctor can’t help, I’ll find another. That’s what it means to be relentless in recovery.

And yet, there are times when the best action is to pause. Active surrender isn’t just about pushing through; it’s also about knowing when to rest, especially as someone living with chronic pain from a stroke. These pauses, these moments of rest, are essential—they’re scheduled into my day with the same importance as any doctor’s appointment.

In this phase of my stroke recovery, while I’m seeking answers for my vision and head pain, I’m enveloped in uncertainties that could lead to despair. How much do I push, and how much do I adapt? For now, I find solace in the relief that comes with rest, exercise, and sharing my experience with others. I think its important to approach rehabilitation cautiously, mindful of the line between gentle exercise and strain.

Every day I have a choice to say ‘I can’t’ or to ask ‘how will I.’ This is the essence of growth in stroke recovery—adapting, embracing change, and moving forward.